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Drunk Nurse Assists With Surgery

Equipment tools for surgeons on a table for a surgery to operate a patient of surgeon in operating room
Image: Thanapun/shutterstock

Remember that anesthesiologist from Seattle who was sexting while he was supposed to be monitoring his patients in surgery? Who could forget the immortal phrase, “I’m hella busy with C sections?” Not me, and not just because I’m an avid proponent of using the word “hella” wherever appropriate.

Well, we can replace, “I’m hella busy with C sections” with “Rick, are you drunk or something?” as the best phrase ever emanating from an operating room.

Seems like my man Rick was hanging out at the Mohegan Sun casino at Pocono Downs, having some brews and playing the slots when he suddenly remembered that he was on call that day as a surgical nurse at the Wilkes-Barre VA Medical Center in Pennsylvania. The reason he suddenly remembered is that he was paged to assist with an emergency appendectomy at 11:30. He claims to only have had “4 or 5” beers but was seen walking unsteadily, having trouble logging into his computer, and just generally stumbling around acting like a drunk asshole in a hospital.

To make matters worse, the veteran whose appendix was removed had to be readmitted with stomach pains. Is it because Rick left a sponge or something in there? What a dick.

Obviously, our veterans deserve better than to have a drunk nurse pushing their gurneys around the hospital in the middle of the night. Rick thought he was doing a solid to one of his co-workers by showing up after his day at the slots. He probably said to himself, “Man, I’ve only had 4 or 5 beers, I’m cool to drive, it’s just an appendix, it’s not like they’re gonna operate on this dude’s brain or anything.” I wonder if he was nodding off and the surgeon had to keep repeating herself:

“Scalpel.”

[*hic]

“Scalpel.’

[*hic]

“RICK! SCALPEL!”

“Here you go, scrapple!”

Anyway Rick has been removed from directly caring for patients so that’s nice.

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