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Men’s Trait’s D-bag of the Week: Dave Hon won’t date a feminist

Stranger Things is hella rad
Stranger Things is hella rad

Happy Friday. It’s that time again, for our weekly Menstration, our highly subjective weekly roundup of the BAD and RAD from this week…It’s the Men’s Trait D-Bag of the Week award.

Before I get into the nominees, how about a breakdown of our process? I typically get three or four nominees a week from readers. If you want to nominate someone, there are about 3 ways to reach us:

  1. You can submit nominees to our Facebook page.
  2. You can tweet us your nonimations at @MensTraitOnline or  @johnpsousa using the hashtag #MTDBagOfTheWeek.
  3. You can email us at “editorial at 301digitalmedia dot com” with “MTDBOTW Nominee” in the subject line.

Depending on the nominee, we’ll publish a post, and then we’ll keep track of them all week. Our staff then votes (sometimes after a vigorous Slack debate). You can also submit things that you think are awesome for the “Things that were hella rad this week” section. We may actually break that out into its own column if we get enough nominees.

Okay, let’s do this.

Nominee #1: Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte

This is Bad but also kinda Rad. Basically he dropped a putang ina on our very own president Barack Hussein, and it caused a minor diplomatic incident. For those of you who aren’t Filipino or don’t have any Filipino friends, putang ina mo roughly translates to “Son of a Bitch.” Now, contrary to originally published reports, Duterte didn’t call Obama a “Son of a Bitch.” The way my friends explained it to me is that it’s more of an exclamation, like when you stub your toe and say, “Son of a bitch!” 

And Obama isn’t the first to earn one from Duterte. He told U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry that Ambassador Philip Goldberg was a “Gay son of a Bitch.” He also once dropped a putang ina on Pope Francis, complaining about the traffic he caused on his visit to the heavily Catholic country.

Things that were hella rad this week.

Hillary’s Medical Marijuana Joke on the Breakfast Club.

Man, Hillary just can’t win with some people. This was a legit funny moment, and man did our commenters not buy it. John Lapan wrote, “Bullshit! I’d sooner vote for Trump than to believe that Thundercunt would actually smoke pot…” Josh White wrote, “Yeah right, her lungs couldn’t handle the smoke lol they can’t even handle oxygen! Shes (sic) not hitting my blunt lol.” And Jason Metz wrote, “Fuck that. That’s One time I’d pass.”

Tough crowd. Not only would the “Puff, Puff, Pass” rule go out the window for Hillary, but these stoners would actually not hit the J if Hillary passed it to them.

But here’s a rad video someone made:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiHMM-VyDug

A judge ordered a temporary halt to construction on the Dakota Access Pipe Line

This all came to a head this week when a group of Sioux protesting the building of an oil pipe line across their land had dogs sicced on them. That was not rad. But what was rad is that their direct action is bringing notice to their cause, and for now nothing is being built. Our sites are covering this issue and we’ll keep you posted.

Facebook meme games

A friend of mine, reader Nikki from Sonora, CA, posted a picture of Effie Trinket with the text, “Let’s play a game. Go to Google Images search your first name and ‘Meme’ and post the first image you see here.” Here’s mine:

ouch
ouch

Seriously, try it. Post yours in the comments. But maybe the best thing about this “game” is that it led to me finding a post from early 2014 in which a different game was played, in which the participants took song titles with the word “love” in them and changed “love” to “muff.”

  1. What’s muff got to do with it?
  2. Muff Shack
  3. Radar muff
  4. Muff will tear us apart
  5. Ready for muff
  6. Why can’t this be muff? (bonus Van Hagar: When it’s muff)
  7. Muff bites
  8. I need muff
  9. I’d do anything for muff (but I won’t do that)
  10. Friday I’m in muff

You get the idea. It’s hours of fun for the whole family. What’s your favorite love muff song?

Back to the D-bag Nominees.

Nominee #2: Apple

Look, I’m an iPhone guy. I’m writing this on a Macbook Air. And I like the idea of a water resistant iPhone (seriously what took you so long, guys?). But no more ear/bud headphone jack? That’s seriously dumb. Look at those sad-ass ear buds with no wires. You know how those fall out. Man those are gonna last maybe three days. The first time one of your kids gets ahold of your iPhone those motherfuckers are gone. If you haven’t lost them already. It’s literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And yet as soon as I’m eligible I’ll be getting one. FML. Let’s look at some iPhone 7 jokes from the internet.

 

Men’s Trait’s D-Bag of the Week: Dave Hon

This dude, Dave Hon, was nominated by Orangina from the Brazos Valley, Texas. Dave’s essay, “Why I’ll never date a feminist,” went slightly viral yesterday. Let’s take a look at this gem.

If you look for a reason to hate men, chances are you’re going to find it.

I bet. In fact, I have feeling we’re going to find a shit-ton of reasons in this essay.

The truth is, I don’t blame women, (especially in my generation) for hating men.

I don’t believe you, Dave. I have a feeling you really do blame them. Just a guess.  Next he goes on to list a bunch of things that exist with links to conservative YouTube channels that explain why believes they don’t exist. Like “campus rape culture,” although he does allow that Brock Turner should be “buried underneath the prison.”

Men’s Rights Activists have taken flight with a new philosophy called “Red Pill” which aims to point out how derogatory, hypocritical and vindictive third-wave feminists can be.

Hang on. What? Men’s Right’s Activists? Red Pill?

That sentence includes a link to Reddit. You can click through if you want, but I’m not linking to it because fuck Dave Hon and Fuck this “Red Pill” bullshit. It has all kinds of links for sad ass dudes who can’t get dates with titles like, “How to manage your bitches.”

I used to think dating across the political aisle was not only possible, but practical. Hell, if James Carville and Mary Matalin can get along, I can date someone who thinks my genitals automatically give me privileges that they don’t have, right?

Carville and Matalin are both trash.

People who are more loyal to their gender and not their significant other don’t make good partners.

Says the dude who linked to fucking “Red Pill,” the whole fucking point of which is for dudes to tell each other how awesome they’re not women.

No doubt, men enjoy privileges that women don’t but that boat goes both ways.

What’s his proof that women also have privileges? The fact that women don’t have to ask men before they have an abortion. That’s right, a person not having to ask another person for permission to undergo a medical procedure on their own body is viewed by this asshole as a privilege that men are not extended. As if I had to ask my wife before I had surgery.

You know what? Fuck this essay. Let’s take a look at his previous work for Josephine, a piece of shit called “My digital date with a robot (or a Russian hacker).”

The other night, I received a Facebook friend request from a woman named Dixie Layman.

Men’s Trait attempted to contact the Dixie Layman’s with public accounts on Facebook. As of the time of this writing none of them have responded. But they seem to be real people.

Update 9/9/16 8:07 CDT: One of the Dixie Laymans we contacted responded:

Yeah, that wasn’t me. I have a boyfriend and I’m not that crazy lol.

Her profile, since deleted, was sparse.

Oh maybe it wasn’t one of the Dixie Laymans who are still on Facebook. Or maybe he’s full of shit and making this up.

She replied, in broken English, that she didn’t, but she found me through “research.” I assumed that I was either being catfished or maybe a newly immigrated, soon-to-be college student had stumbled upon my profile.

You’re being catfished dude. Or she’s really into schlubby gingers.

Time to see if this is a human or robot...

Dave Hon, human Turing Test.

“I alone,” she messaged me. “I want to show. Call me.”

What, she no love you long time?

I quickly went into the bathroom, shut the lights off and called Robo-Dixie.

Why did you turn off the lights? That’s weird.

“Flip on light light,” Dixie messaged in broken English. This questioned my robot hypothesis. Robo-Dixie was exhibiting problem solving skills.

Oh, it must be a video call.

With nothing to lose, I turned on the light. Robo-Dixie burst into laughter as soon as she saw my face. I asked her what was so funny, but never received a response.

Dave Hon

Instead, Robo-Dixie began dancing and stripping. Before I knew it, she was completely naked. She stopped every once in awhile to type a message to me.

Okay, this is getting interesting.

“Show me your tiny baby (expletive),” she messaged.

What is “(expletive)?” Cock? Dick? Fuckstick? Penis?

“Yeah, I don’t do that,” I replied.

Dave, buddy. That’s lame. She’s completely nude. The very least you can do is show her your tiny baby (expletive).

Why would someone want to see my penis?

That’s a great question, Dave. I can’t think of one reason.

Was it a Chinese or Russian hacker?

Obviously. The DNC, Sony, Dave Hon’s Fire Crotch.

But what do foreign hackers want with my nether region?

Okay, man. Real talk? Nothing. Foreign hackers don’t want anything to do with your nether region. They have better shit to do than try to get you to whip it out on Facebook.

Speaking of better shit to do, it’s Friday, and I’m gonna go ahead and sign off. Have a great weekend, and congratulations to Dave Hon, Men’s Trait’s D-bag of the Week. Next time someone tries to get you whip out your tiny baby (expletive), there’s no need to run a Turing Test on her.

Just assume she’s a feminist and ignore her friend request.

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