Urban Dictionary: If you’re not familiar with it yet, we both apologize and envy you. It’s the bowels of the internet, with some of the most disgusting and disturbing words and phrases ever thought up by humans. And it’s hilarious. Gross, but hilarious.
This somewhat guilty appreciation of Urban Dictionary and all that they do led us to assemble our top 25 dirtiest/most disgusting/most disturbing words you’ll find there. Let us know if we missed one of your favorites in the comments, and get ready to laugh… and probably barf a little in your mouth.
25. Truffle Butter
Like Santorum but somehow even grosser.
24. Massachusetts Slurpee
Massholes must have really thin dicks if they can a) Be replace by a straw and their partner doesn’t notice and b) to be able slide it into the straw to get their money shot lined up.
23. Queef Greased
Sounds like it’s an awesome substitute for Tres Flores and probably smells just as good.
22. Rusty Trombone
The best entry based on musical instruments, and boy do actual trombonists love it when you ask them if it’s “rusty” after they tell you they’re in a band, and they play trombone. Seriously, the next time someone says, “I play the trombone,” ask them if it’s rusty. It kills every time.
21. Quabbing a Twab
Our first entry featuring straight up beastiality. All this time we thought it was traditional to use clubs on baby seals, not shovels. (Urban Dictionary knows no bounds.)
20. Tallahassee Gas Mask
Popular during rush week and spring break for FSU students. Eat some crab legs beforehand to give it a hint of seafood.
19. Texas Chili Bowl
A fun Urban Dictionary game: Use your imagination and fill in the blanks.
18. Norwegian Torchblower
I’m not even sure this is possible. But the Norwegians are an ambitious people so who knows.
17. Alberta Chili Bowl
Another chili bowl, this one from our neighbors to the North. Jesus Fuck.
16. Missouri Backwash
The aggressive-aggressive version of the passive-aggressive snowball.
15. California Cheeseburger
A favorite among California gastronomes, at least until the foie gras ban is overturned.
14. Avocado Taco
Ladies and Gentleman, it’s the reverse Carolina Mudflap. Also you should be old with saggy balls.
13. Dirty Sanchez
Another classic, the definition is surprisingly controversial, based on the number of competing definitions.
12. Carolina Mudflap
You must be a septuagenarian to perform the Carolina Mudflap.
11. Tennessee Abortion
No Right To Lifer will be able to stop these. Defund Planned Parenthood? How about we defund Urban Dictionary, lol!
10. Nebraskan Corn Cob
Some other facts about Nebraska: the state insect is the Honey Bee, its motto is “Equality before the law,” and they changed their nickname from “Tree Planter’s state” to “cornhusker state” in 1945. Also, Spam is produced in Fremont, NE, using the Nebraskan Corn Cob process.
9. Portuguese Chocolate
The instructions are way too involved to be practical. Microwave for 8 minutes? Fuck outta here.
8. Alaskan Pipeline
The options are endless with frozen poop logs, so don’t let this somewhat narrow definition stop you from experimenting with this. (We learned about this one during an office lunch outing. Note to self: Urban Dictionary is a hilarious jumping off place for workplace conversation starters.)
7. Dragon Blaster
So you don’t need maple syrup or peanut butter. Just a nice curry.
6. Aberdeen Snowball
Kurt Cobain’s hometown checks in with the most complicated burn of all time for someone hitting on your girlfriend. Honestly, if you hit on your host’s girlfriend AND you pass out there, I think this is just divine retribution.
5. Michigan Dew Banks
Not to be outdone by their rivals Ohio, Michigan joins the party and adds a spoon, bringing a touch of civilization to their dookie-based boudoir shenanigans.
4. Cleveland Steamer
Another classic, and #2 on our list of gross things named after places, the Cleveland Steamer is an important part of your repertoire. It’s great for at office parties when there’s a lull in the conversation.
If you’ve somehow made it past sophomore year of high school without knowing what felching is, you’re welcome. Bane of people named “Fletcher” everywhere.
2. Alabama Hot Pocket
There’s an Auburn version that involves Charles Barkley on his Weight Watchers cheat day and Gus Mahlzan doing the robot.
Last but not least, the one thing “worse than genocide.” I mean, you have to be a seriously damaged person to even look this up and put it in a top 25 list.
There you have it, the 25 most disturbing Urban Dictionary words in the world. Speaking of disturbing, why not check out 32 OF THE WORST THINGS DONALD TRUMP HAS SAID. Or, you could always just go visit Urban Dictionary.