Theme parks. They’re havens for screaming children and passive aggressive parenting. Maybe even the place where the happiest of couples consider the idea of divorce. Chances are you’ve been to a theme park either when you were young enough to fit in a stroller or old enough to miss the feeling. But now you’re married with kids and probably terrified at the thought of choosing the right family-friendly theme park to take your little angels. Luckily, some of the best New England theme parks the East Coast has to offer aren’t parks that will numb your brain. You might even grab a beer to ease your burdens.
And while there’s nothing wrong with funding money-hungry companies that charge exponential prices for mediocre experiences — SeaWorld anyone — when it comes to summer fun you might want to skip the crowded parks for a more down-to-earth yet equally fun experience. It helps that these five New England theme parks offer a relaxed atmosphere while hosting some of the most terrifying rides this side of the Mississippi.
Hersheypark: Skyrush
There’s probably not a sweeter place on earth than Hershey, Pennsylvania, but among family-friendly New England theme parks, this one is more sinister than it looks. Sure, they try to lull you into a false sense of security with their cute height meters made to look like famous Hershey’s chocolates. Anyone would melt at seeing little kids standing next to a Kiss. Can we say perfect photo-op? And then, you decide to ride the Skyrush and spend the entire time watching snot fly out of your nose and land in your hair. True story. Of course, Hersheypark has been cultivating a world-class atmosphere full of surprising and diverse rides for awhile now, but you won’t know it until you try their smorgasbord of terrifying coasters. Their smorgasbord of chocolates is equally terrifying as well, if you don’t have the stomach for sweets.
Busch Gardens, Williamsburg, Virginia: Griffon
This is the kind of park non-theme park people will beg to visit over and over and over. Because in the absence of a whole lot of wild rides, there’s culture. Or, as much culture that a theme park can have outside of Epcot. Described as a cheaper option than Disney, this Busch Gardens in Williamsburg offers authentic dining and entertainment experiences in England, Scotland, Ireland, France, Germany, and Italy, where you can be served alcohol with your gelato. Good thing the kiddie-coaster area is in Italy. If that’s not enough reason to go then maybe the Griffon, an inverted steel Dive Coaster, in France may convince you otherwise. Every coaster in the park is worth riding, especially Apollo’s Chariot if you can catch it after nightfall, but if you don’t ride the Griffon you’re missing out on what might be the the most “thrilling” ride in all of the Busch Garden parks.
King’s Dominion: Intimidator 305
Another Virginia native, this time in Doswell, is a jack of all trades. With a water park, Soak City, and a designated kiddie-ride area, Planet Snoopy, this group of family-friendly New England theme parks have more than enough to keep the little ones busy while the adults play with the big guns. One of the more outrageous rides in the park, the Intimidator 305, boasts a height requirement of 54 inches for its 300-tall first drop. Along with the Hurler, a wooden coaster that makes us long for the seventies, and the Dominator, an over-two-minute flourless coaster, King’s Dominion is a conveniently located and affordable theme park that doesn’t require a trip to Florida or California.
Cedar Point: Millennium Force
“The Roller Coaster Capital of the World.” And with 18 excellent roller coasters available to choose from at Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio, that seems to be a fair claim. There’s plenty to do for kids, too. Like King’s Dominion, Cedar Point is owned by Cedar Fair Parks, so the winning setup is similar to the first park with another Soak City and Planet Snoopy park at Cedar Point. But it’s a fair estimate that the latter of the two parks is a little more serious about its rides. Its claims to fame include Top Thrill Dragster, a 17-second zero-to-120 mph shot in the sky, and Millennium Force, a 93 mph steel coaster that came in at number one in TIME’s 2013 “Top 10 Roller Coasters in the U.S.” list.
Carowinds: Intimidator
Charlotte, North Carolina, might be one of the last place you’d expect to find a theme park, no less a family-friendly one with decent thrill rides. The tail end of New England has always been seemingly cursed with a lack of “real” roller coasters, but one trip to Carowinds can easily dispel that rumor. Also owned by the family-friendly Cedar Fair Parks, New England’s Carowinds has the Intimidator that races at 75 mph and has a sharp 211-foot drop. It’s not necessarily the most “extreme” coaster available, but it’s the kind you’ll want to ride over and over again, with a track similar to Busch Garden’s Apollo’s Chariot. But more impressive are the three-and-a-half minute Fury 325, which reaches speeds of 95 mph, and Nighthawk, one of the few “flying” coasters in existence. Like the others on this list, Carowinds is kid-friendly and one of the best New England theme parks that has managed to diversify itself and offer up some insane and terrifying roller coasters.
