Knowing when to have kids is a tough decision. While it’s true that there’s no such thing as the “right time,” it’s definitely possible to know when it’s the wrong time. Kids turn your whole life upside down. When you’re ready for that, having kids is one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. But when you’re not ready, it’s a disaster. You can make your life and your child’s life a lot worse if you become a parent at the wrong time. Here are some things to consider as you make this major decision.
You’re Just Thinking about the Cuteness
All the adorably tiny outfits you’ll see on a tour through the infants’ department at the store can be a pretty persuasive reason to want a baby. The tiny socks are cute and there are few things more precious than the gummy smile of a newborn. But having a baby is not all about the cute moments. Even beyond the less pleasant aspects of raising a baby, like diaper blowouts and 2 A.M. feedings, raising kids only gets harder as they get older.
Your Relationship is on Rocky Ground
It’s 2016 and of course you don’t need to be in a relationship to raise a baby. But assuming that you’re thinking of having a baby to save a relationship that’s already on the rocks, you might want to think twice. Babies are a major time commitment and take most of your attention, so it’s not likely that adding a needy little one to an already troubled dynamic is going to make it much better. If you think your relationship has problems now, imagine trying to negotiate complicated issues like child support or visitation.
You’re Selfish about Your Time
There’s nothing wrong if you typically come home from work and want to read a book or binge-watch a show on Netflix. If you want to spend your weekends antique shopping out of town or bar-hopping with friends, that’s perfectly normal. However, it’s not really compatible with being a parent. Once you have kids, your life is not about what you want anymore. Being a parent means Chuck E. Cheese instead of romantic candlelight dinners, having to cancel plans at the last minute when your little one is sick, and having to put your own desires aside.
You Value Having Nice Things
While you can still have nice furniture and clothing once you have kids, you have to accept that it’s going to take more effort on your part to make sure things stay nice. That ivory sofa might end up with grape juice spilled on it or you may find that your stylish wardrobe needs to be reserved for special nights out in favor of washable everyday clothes. Your clothes, furniture, and even the inside of your car will never be the same once a kid’s in the picture.
You Find Kids Exhausting
Spend as much time as you can with a child in your life. Do you have toddler nieces and nephews or a friend with a new baby? Offer to babysit. Not only will you be a godsend by offering to give the parents a break, but it will give you a valuable chance to get hands-on experience with caring for kids. If you enjoy the time and it’s tiring in a good way, you might be ready. But if you’re counting down the minutes until the kids go home, it might be a good idea to wait to have children of your own.
