The holidays are not sexy days for couples. It is known.
Many of us spend the fourth consecutive family gathering in a zombie-like trance and spending the night on a twin bed that has been around since before the collapse of the Soviet Union.
A light-weight robe
Robes are awesome. They are comfortable, intimate, and functional. A light-weight robe made of satin, smooth cotton, or silk is sensual and luxurious for the wearer and will sit closely to their body. Robes are also easily tailored to individual tastes with a wide variety of prints, colors, and decorations. Your S.O. can even open this gift at a family gathering.
Unlike lingerie, robe sizing is straightforward. In fact, you won’t see lingerie on this list at all because it’s difficult to size correctly and infrequently worn compared to the expense.
If you get your S.O. a silk robe you are a fancy, classy baller. But keep in mind any clothing gift you give should also match the receiver’s willingness to take care of it, and silk does need special care like washing by hand or dry cleaning.
A hotel getaway
The beauty of staying in a hotel is that many of your daily worries are absent or put off until later: other people are responsible for cleaning up and food preparation, someone else is watching pets and/or kids, and ideally you don’t log into the hotel wi-fi to get maximum seclusion. Sometimes spending a weekend in a hotel just enjoying each other’s company can be a great reminder of why you’re into each other.
I leave it to you regarding what makes a hotel desirable. Maybe it’s a Jacuzzi tub in the room, a round bed with a mirror above it, a policy against screaming children, or rooms that look like rainforests or caves. That part is up to you and your S.O.
Again, while this is a thinly veiled “let’s have lots of sex” gift, a reservation printout in a card is still pretty acceptable to open in front of other people.
Sensual food and drink
You and your S.O. may both love poutine, but that is not a great sexy gift choice, even if you also provide antacids.
This is a gift where quality matters more than quantity. Champagne and chocolate covered strawberries are a classic, but any food that is slowly eaten and savored, but not too messy, works well. You have a lot of options depending upon dietary restrictions and preferences: perfectly ripe pears or peaches, sharp cheese, glazed chestnuts, dark chocolate, anything with truffles, etc. This is a gift that implies that time will be taken and physical enjoyment will be had.
A quick note on Champagne: there are many wonderful sparkling white wines that are not officially Champagne, and you should feel free to gift them. However, if you want to give from France, honest-to-goodness Champagne, you can get great quality for less money from smaller distributors and/or vineyards, like Champagne Moutard.
A sexy show
Finally, a gift you shouldn’t open in front of your grandma!
Once you get looking, you’ll be surprised by the options in your area for seeing people be sexy on stage. Strip clubs abound, of course, but don’t stop there. Local burlesque scenes are a lot of fun, and larger cities attract excellent talent. If naked ladies aren’t your style, boylesque is growing in popularity. If you want a more laidback time, check out (NSFW) Naked Girls Reading.
I know that most gifts should be a surprise, but you should discuss this with your S.O. before you book anything. There’s just too much potential for backfiring otherwise. Also, bring cash for tipping performers; they’re making hard work look easy.
A sexy book
I know, I always recommend books, but remember what Jackie Treehorn said, “People forget that the mind is the biggest erogenous zone.” If you want to get your S.O. going, opening the door to sexy thoughts is a good way to do it. From art books to collections of historical letters to smut to comics there’s a plethora of sexy stuff in print.
Of course, your gift doesn’t even have to be explicit. I know romance is generally seen as the pulpiest of all genres, but if your S.O. enjoys reading romance, why not give something less hardcore that they will like and spark pants feelings?
There’s a lot of erotica out there folks, and not all of it is good. You should be familiar with what you’re giving so no one gets the wrong idea about you or your taste.
