If you need a nice pick-me-up, reach for a steaming hot cup of urinal hot drink. Or, if you’d prefer, you can just scroll through these hilariously awful products, labels, and descriptions. You will laugh out loud. You’ve been warned.
1. Poop log dessert
We don’t know what negrito means (okay, we actually do), but we’re pretty sure we aren’t eating it.
2. Rape Leaf
We don’t understand, have these leaves been victimized? Or are they like roofies? Because we don’t condone that stuff.
3. Urinal Tea
Every time you told your mother that tea tasted like piss has been justified.
4. Cemen Dip
What, did these folks raid a sperm bank or something?
5. Man Goo
The best part is when it squirts all over your face.
6. Faggots in Gravy
This product had to have been developed by a Southern Baptist cannibal.
*Side note: We don’t support the use of any derogatory epithets.
7. Finger Marie
Okay, but only is she consents to it.
8. Nuclear Licorice
Hey, George W. Bush, are these the weapons of mass destruction you were looking for?
9. Fagottini
This sounds more like a fruity cocktail than a pasta to us. Get it? Get it?
*Side note: We don’t support the use of any derogatory epithets.
10. Ayds
There is an obvious AIDS joke here, but we’ll let you make it instead of us.
11. Pee Cola
Nope, we will never be thirsty enough to drink pee cola. Ever.
12. Shrimp Flavored Crack
We’ve never had regular crack, so we can’t say if this flavor is an improvement over the original or not.
13. Soup for Sluts
Someone should send this to our exes. You know, just to let them know we still think about them.
14. Rice with Herpes
Heh, looks like our exes tried the rice.
15. Musical Gun
The NRA’s new campaign targeting children is brilliant… Brilliantly awful.
16. Abusive Pampers
We honestly have nothing to say. Lost for words.
17. Toilet Seats
Is she a tiny woman bathing in the world’s largest toilet, or is something wrong here?
18. The Ironic Fortune Cookie
Someone should let Alanis Morissette know that this is real irony.
19. Welsh Lady Ass Fudge
Rumor has it these taste like crap.
20. Confused Fruit
Damn, GMOs are really starting to affect our food.
21. Virginity Soap
We all know a few people who could use this.
22. Chocolate Identity Crisis
So this is what happens when the Easter candy doesn’t sell. Don’t worry, Jesus doesn’t mind.
23. Tarantula-roach
It’s like two of the worst things rolled into one. A giant spider that never seems to die!
24. Free One Night Stand
It’s perfect, buying the bed guarantees at least one night of breaking it in. Giggity.
25. Crap
Can this be any worse than Welsh lady ass fudge?
26. Camel Balls
So, a camel’s balls are filled with a sour red liquid instead of a salty white liquid? Who knew?
27. Stir Fried Children
I hear it tastes like bad parenting.
28. No Juice for You
The person had one job.
29. Ass Sandwiches
Goes great with cemen dip.
30. Creamy White Finishing Sauce
I’ve heard this leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
31. Cock Flavored Soup
Be sure to dunk your ass sandwich in your cock flavored soup after spreading on some cemen dip.
32. The Jew’s Ear Juice
If you say it quickly it sounds like Juicy Juice.
33. Baguete w/ Semen
No wonder birth rates are down, we’re too busy eating spunk.
34. Vergina Beer
This beer is pretty awesome… If you can get past the faint scent of tuna.
35. Roasted Monkey Nuts
Don’t worry, these were just left over nuts after people had their pets spayed or neutered.
36. Pet Sweat
Fun fact: Dogs don’t sweat, so we really have no idea WTF this is.
37. Megapussi Potato Chips
Something must be lost in translation.
38. Only Pukee
So we won’t get the runs as well, just pukee?
39. Golden Gaytime
I’m pretty sure this is what spring break is called in San Francisco.
40. Child Shredded Meat
So, was the meat shredded by children, or is it the meat of children that has been shredded? We are so confused.
41. Goteborgs Rape
Let us guess, the can dressed too provocatively. . .
42. Barf
Those people sure do look happy to be using barf detergent. Oh, wait, it’s marked as soup as well? Two for one!
43. Frozen Baby
This is what we imagine nurses at sperm banks call their product.
44. Extra Fresh Sperm
We’re running out of ways to be witty regarding male ejaculate. What is up with all the semen products out there?
45. Homo Sausage
Something tells us this sausage doesn’t get put in many tacos.
See what we did there?
46. Crap Your Hands
At the risk of sounding completely racist, we can totally hear this one out loud.
47. Watermelon Corn
That is the hairiest watermelon we’ve ever seen.
48. Training Ball
Those are totally not real. He obviously got a boob job.
49. Bestiality Ken and Barbie
See, this is what happens when you allow gays to marry. The world is coming to an end!
50. Petite Diced… Peaches?
Reasons #20537 not to shop at Walmart.
51. Uncircumcised Sausage
We don’t think this sausage is kosher.
52. Dino Coitus
We never saw this on the Discovery Channel.
53. Kitty-dog
Someone failed kindergarten.
54. Show Your Snatch Barbie
This Barbie looks prepared to treat her trick.
55. Phallic Disney Watch
Apparently there is a giant cock on the cover of The Little Mermaid, so why not package products that look like dildos? Seems to work well for Disney.
56. Corny Onions
Something isn’t adding up here.
57. Shitbegone
This is the most direct branding we’ve ever seen. Brilliant.
58. Give Your Dog a Bone
Product designers must really be thinking about the c*ck all the time. Sheesh.
59. Spunk Mints
The packaging says you should always swallow.
60. Juicy Bacon
It’s vegan, duh.
61. Sweet Sausage
This is a vegetarian’s worst nightmare.
62. Back to School Knives
Well, at least these kids won’t be taking guns to school
63. Koala Garden
Australian-Asian food maybe?
64. Tennisball
This explains the one black tennis player.
65. Tastes Like Grandma
So this black raspberry jelly tastes like cigarette ash and watered down white zinfandel?
66. Long Yellow Things
Thank you for the great description. You really helped the colorblind people out.
67. Asica or Afraisa
Our schools have failed us.
68. Cream Collon
This one is only really bad if you say it phonetically or don’t know how to spell colon.
69. It’s a Boy!
*insert sarcasm* It’s all a part of the gay agenda! They’re recruiting, we’re sure of it.
We’re out.
