Awful movies are released all year, every year, but most quietly fade away into obscurity because they were either boring, uncreative, or just poorly made. However, it is very rare that a movie becomes incredibly popular precisely because it is all those things.
Low budget. Terrible dialogue. Has-been actors.
Do all of these things sound like they’d be excruciating to sit through? They might not be quite as bad as you think.
When a film creates a perfect storm of “badness,” magic can happen. With a few beers, a couple hours of free time, and an open mind, these movies can make for an awesome party. If you can sit through Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen or Spiderman: 3, you can definitely make it through these cinematic masterpieces.
1. Double Down (2005)
Plot Summary:
Neil Breen plays a fantasy version of the egomaniacal director Neil Breen himself in this crazy secret-spy action movie.
He can cure cancer, infect anyone with anthrax that he wants, and he’s going to shut down the Las Vegas Strip because…reasons? With random and gratuitous nudity (male and female), ghost parents, hilariously bad and lengthy exposition, this movie is just a train-wreck.
If you can make it through the first 10 minutes of Neil’s character’s monologue, during which he describes his “hacker skills” and his affinity for canned tuna, you’re in for a real treat.
Favorite quote:
Aaron: I can start and win wars through my computer and technical skills. Governments don’t dare try and kill me.
Full movie here.
2. The Room (2003)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCj8sPCWfUw&nohtml5=False
Plot Summary:
Written, directed, and acted by Tommy Wiseau, The Room has become synonymous with the phrase “So bad, it’s good.”
Cheap green screen “effects,” cringeworthy dialogue, and some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen somehow come together to make a really special experience for anyone (un)fortunate enough to watch it.
Don’t pay any money for it. Find it on the internet somewhere.
Favorite Quote:
Johnny: I kill you, you bastard!
Mark: You couldn’t kill me if you tried.
Johnny: You betrayed me! You’re not good. You, you’re just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep.
3. Samurai Cop (1991)
Plot Summary:
A movie that was thought to be lost to history, Samurai Cop was scrapped once it went over-budget and was screened to a select few to dismal reviews. Sometime in 2010, the film was rediscovered and released to a waiting audience.
The YouTube video that includes the infamous “Horny Nurse” scene has become extremely popular and a Kickstarter initiative has even helped put together a sequel that is now on DVD and Bluray.
I haven’t seen the second film, but if it is anywhere near as horribly bad as the first, I’ll give it a go.
Favorite Quote:
Jennifer: How did you know i’d come home with you?
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: Let’s just say…I can read eyes.
4. Troll 2 (1990)
Plot Summary:
Often considered to literally be the worst movie ever made, Troll 2 has even had a documentary made about its “success” called The Best Worst Movie Ever Made.
The plot makes no sense and has no mention of trolls. Anywhere.
The characters are laughably unrealistic and there is an extremely long sex scene involving a cob of corn.
Does that tell you what you need to know? It should.
Favorite Quote:
Joshua: Nilbog! It’s goblin spelled backwards! This is their kingdom!
5. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People (1977)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mFJW-2QqMQ&nohtml5=False
Plot Summary:
Read the title. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People.
You can say a lot of things about this movie, but you can’t say they don’t have a bit of courage. They flat out tell the audience what they’re in for and boy, they sure do come through. The bed eats people to death.
It’s a horrible piece of 70’s horror (? I think) and it is atrocious. But like everything else on this list, there is just something magnetic about how bad this movie really is.
Tuck into bed with a loved one and watch someone else get eaten by their mattress. Don’t worry. You bought that fancy Tempurpedic, it couldn’t hurt a fly…or could it?
Favorite Quote:
“Too bad the bed doesn’t fear you. It’ll let you go…it knows you’re coming back.”
Yes, I did watch all of these and yes, you need to, too.
