It’s true—breaking up is hard to do. But, it is also a necessary evil in almost every person’s life. Very few of us will marry our first love. Most of us will both be the dumper and the dumpee at different times. But, the fact that it is inevitable doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking or hard. Here are a few steps that you can take right now to start moving in the right direction if you need to let go of your ex.
Stop communicating with him
Communication with an ex is like pouring salt on a wound over and over again. The longer it goes on, the more irritated and infected that wound will likely become. So, your best bet is to find a way to cut off communication completely. Whether you have to block them from your phone or cut ties on social media, you need to decide that you are ready to let go. You will never let go of your ex while still in contact with this person. Maybe, way off in the future, you two will be able to be friends again. But, not now.
Be honest with yourself about the relationship
Was the relationship good? Do you really miss this person? Are you sad, or just scared? Are you afraid of being lonely? Oftentimes we only think about the things we miss and forget the negative things about the relationship. Look at both the good and bad so you can understand there is a reason it’s over. The truth can only be admitted by you, so don’t lie to yourself!
Forgive and make peace with it
With that honesty will have to come some amount of forgiveness. Holding onto anger makes us bitter and unhappy. It eats away at us and ruins our peace. But, forgiveness is quite hard. It requires being stronger than you may want to be. However, as long as you stay angry at your ex—or yourself—you will be trapped. And, it is not them who has you trapped. You will have trapped yourself.
Love yourself more
We have a few choices in life. We can invest our time and energy in the things that matter most to us and we can control how we behave. But, beyond that, there is no telling what will happen or where you could end up. You have to be able to be alone with yourself and to love yourself enough to protect your own emotional well-being. It is not healthy or reasonable to obsess about someone who has left you. Focus on being the best version of yourself.
So, today give some of this a try and see how it works. Here are a few quick suggestions of what you might try:
- Forgive yourself for something that you feel that you did to damage your relationship.
- Go, right now, and block off communication with this person. Don’t wait a week, or two. Nothing is changing. You two are done.
- Write a long letter forgiving your ex for ways in which he hurt you and then tear it up or burn it.
Then get on with your life. Make new friends. Move on. It’s time.
