Hey there lucky internet goer! You are just in time to get in on our limited-time offer and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Have you ever watched your cat groom itself and gone, “Man, I really wish there was something I could do to help?” Well now you can! For less than $20 you can purchase the LICKI Brush! Thanks to the LICKI Brush you and your cat will grow closer and cleaner. Buy now!
. . . Alright, now that all of the cat obsessed shut-ins have left to back the LICKI Brush Kickstarter, let’s open by saying what is on everyone’s mind,
What the F*ck!?
But yes it’s true, there is a real Kickstarter (about a third of the way towards its goal at the time of writing) to make a device that will let you lick your cat. And only like half the people who have pledged are planning on using it as a sex toy, so that means there are actually human beings out there who feel the overpowering need to lick their cat with the proper apparatus.
The Kickstarter was created by Jason O’Mara, a self-described *open air quotes* Cat Enthusiast *close air quotes*, who had a much less creepy cat-themed creation on Kickstarter, Shru -The Intellegent Cat Companion, funded in January 2014. Well now he’s back with the LICKI Brush. And what are some of the benefits Jason lists for using the LICKI Brush over, you know, not performing catinglingus?
- Grooming is more fun with LICKI (I’m pretty sure there is a “You’re having too much fun” mark on keeping your cat clean)
- Develop a deeper relationship with your cat (It’s probably best if you and cat just stay friends)
- Be part of the Change: Let’s change the way people connect with their feline housemates (“Connecting” with your cat is illegal in 37 states)
- Invite your friends and their cats over for LICKI parties (It’s important that both you and your cat set some ground rules before Swinging)
The choice is yours on whether the LICKI Brush is right for you and your pussy, cat. You can get 1 LICKI Brush for $19, 2 for $35, or 10 for $124. The Kickstarter ends June 26, so there’s no time to waste, you sick bastards.
Honestly, I’m really just hoping this turns out to be the world’s largest sting operation against bestiality à la To Catch A Predator.
