There’s a new trend in town and they’re calling it “the biting massage”. It’s when the masseuse literally uses their teeth to bite down on the client’s skin in order to “tenderize muscles” (no vampirism involved). In this case, a Doctor Dot whose exceptional skill has scored her over 3000 free concert tickets, one on one sessions with celebrities like Kanye West and a whopping $150 per hour ($200 after 10pm and $250 after midnight). Let’s hear it for a business that thrives in the dark.
Dr. Dot, whose real name is Dorothy Stein, began her signature technique at the age of five. An in house masseuse to her mother, her duties included back stepping, hair pulling and biting. These techniques, a compensation for the ineffectiveness of 5 year old hands, ultimately, achieved the feat of loosening tense knots in the muscles. At age fifteen, she began offering her extra-ordinary services in exchange for backstage passes and free concert tickets before going on to become a certified masseuse at the age of twenty eight.
She is literally a celebrity masseuse who bites.
Over the years, Stein has gained a huge and loyal customer base amongst celebrities like Def Leppard, Frank Zappa, and Mariah Carey. Trust me, there’s an entire list here, some of whom request to be bitten in absurd place like the buttocks and lips (it’s said to improve Mike Jagger’s singing although I’m not quite sure how). The biting, however, is an appetizer to the main course, as it usually followed by a more traditional massage. Well, at least we now know we didn’t just stumble upon a scene from 50 shades of grey.
Stein happens to take quality very seriously, just as she does presentation. She is known to dress sometimes in sexy nurse outfits while giving massages and prides herself in leaving no bite marks or hair losses. Total quality management is clearly an important component of her business model.
Getting an appointment with the celebrity masseuse who bites requires an initial deposit of $50 which is done on her website. Massage location depends on the customer’s preference . In Stein’s exact words, “We can come to you, set up our table/chair and give you the therapeutic treatment of your choice”. If you’re going to take one for the team and try this, bear in mind that depending on the intensity of muscle stiffness, Stein’s gentle bites may be supplemented with hair pulling- it releases scalp tension. Remember no to expect too much though as any requests for “Happy Endings will only lead to a very Unhappy ENDING!”
Whatever that means.
